Behind the therapy room door: The truth about being a men’s and couples’ therapist.

Early in my career, a colleague suggested I should specialise in a particular area of therapy. At the time, I resisted the idea, seeing myself as more of a generalist. But her words stayed with me. Over time, I found myself drawn toward men's work and couples therapy.

Looking back, it feels almost inevitable that this would become my focus. Both speak to my own life in different ways. The paths I walk with my clients are, in many ways, the same ones I’m walking myself.

I love my work, though it can be demanding and confronting. Sometimes things get messy. Sometimes a session doesn’t unfold as planned. Occasionally, there are small surprises that feel like triumphs. Some sessions feel rich and satisfying. Others, plain and ordinary. But, every one of them is real.

What I've learned along the way is that couples need me to stay impartial while amplifying the positive forces in their relationship; to hold a steady flame so both perspectives can shine. In my work with men, I’ve found what matters most is respect, collaboration, and validation; to understand that trust is the heat that softens the armour.

Growth comes from staying with the challenges, the moments of tension, uncertainty and repair, because that’s where the richest rewards emerge. Therapy is a craft of patience, curiosity and care. When we stay with the process long enough, something quietly beautiful takes shape, something worth sharing and worth returning to.

Honestly, there are things I wish I’d done differently early on. There are clients and couples I still think about. Once a client leaves therapy, it’s rare to hear from them again. I sometimes wish I could meet them once more, not to fix anything, but simply to ask how I could have served them better, or to say, “I’m sorry if I missed something important.”

The next best thing is to keep learning. I read, I study, I listen. But more than anything, I learn from my clients. They are my greatest teachers. A constant reminder that therapy is a shared human endeavour, not a performance of expertise.